Unexpected Blessings
by Daughters of Gondor
Summary: The first year anniversary celebration for the end of the war has some unexpected results. Slash and mpreg. Rating just to be safe.


TA 3020 May

(Two Months and Counting)

"He's what?!"

Faramir came awake at those two words, shouted practically at the top of the speakers' lungs, but he kept his eyes shut, wanting to know who was what.  There were two voices, both vaguely familiar, though Faramir's confused and disoriented mind was unable to place them at the moment.

The only thought that was clear in his mind was 'why did he have to wake up in the first place'.  Also, he wanted to know why he felt like he would be sick if he even tried to move.

"He's...pregnant...my lords," said a nervous voice, probably a healer considering the subject, "About two months."

'He?' Faramir thought, 'Not she?  I must have misunderstood.'

The two voices shouted once more, "He's male!"

'How can a male get pregnant?' Faramir wondered, now more curious than ever who the three were talking about.

"I'm not sure how it happened, my lords," the healer said, "But there is no doubt in my mind that it's so."

"You said about two months?"  The voice was lyrical, enchanting, soothing.  But it was also a little worried.

"Yes, Prince Legolas, that would be my guess," replied the healer.

"That would be the celebration we had for the end of the War," said the third one, who Faramir now recognized as the king.

'The War' was how the people of Minas Tirith and Rohan had come to identify the War of the Ring since it had ended the year before.  Life had just started getting back to normal so Aragorn had decided, at Queen Arwen's suggestion, to have a celebration.  The whole Fellowship, Boromir being the only exception, much to everyone's continued grief, had been invited.  As had Eomer and his new wife Lothiriel of Dol Amroth, Faramir's cousin on his mother's side.  Arwen's father and brothers, lords Elrond, Elrohir and Elladan, had also come.

Faramir's thoughts were pulled away from the celebration of two months earlier when Aragorn said, "You are excused healer.  We will take care of Lord Faramir when he wakes up."

Faramir just barely managed to keep his eyes closed.  They were talking about him?!  That meant...He was...No...It couldn't be.  Impossible.

Suddenly he felt like he would be sick even without moving.  Swallowing hard he hoped neither Aragorn, nor Legolas realized he was awake, wanting them to keep talking.

"Tell me, Aragorn," Legolas started when the door closed behind the departing healer, "How are we to explain to him that one of us got him pregnant?  Not to mention to your wife and his."

Aragorn sighed, "I do not know, _mellon nin_, but do not fool yourself into thinking Arwen and Eowyn were alone that night.  They've became very close over the last year.  Besides, we all got a little drunk..."

He cut off when Legolas gave him a disbelieving look.  Sighing, the king rephrased his last words, "Okay, so we got _very drunk that night.  We all did some pretty stupid things."_

"I bet nobody else got his steward pregnant that night." Legolas replied, "Or, in my case, fellow lord of Ithilien."

Aragorn slumped into the chair beside the bed Faramir lay on, "The hard part will be in making Faramir believe it."

Legolas nodded then tilted his head questioningly, "If we cannot believe it ourselves, Estel, how can we make him?"

Aragorn half sighed, half groaned this time as he glanced at the man unconscious on the bed, "I do not know that either, Legolas.  We just have to wait until he wakes up."

"He is already awake." Legolas said, "He has been for this whole conversation."

Aragorn sat straight in his chair, "Faramir?"

Opening his eyes the steward of Gondor turned his head to meet his king's gaze and simply asked, "How?"

Aragorn winced and shifted his gaze to his boots.  Legolas stepped up to the bed and sat down on the edge beside his friend, "We're not exactly sure about that."

Aragorn suddenly stood up, "Elrond and Gandalf have not yet sailed west.  Maybe they will know."

"They are in Rivendell." Legolas pointed out, "At least Elrond is."

Aragorn faced the elf, "I've known how to write for many years now, Legolas.  I can send a message."

Legolas hid a small grin as Faramir asked, nervously, "I beg your pardon, my lord..."

Aragorn ran a hand through his hair, "Please, Faramir, you may be having my child.  Call me Aragorn."

Legolas had to cough to cover a chuckle as Faramir blushed before saying, "Aragorn...do you really think it's a good idea to ask your wife's father how it's possible that you may have gotten..."

Faramir paused there to clear his throat then finished, "Me...pregnant?"

Aragorn slowly retook his seat, "You may have a point."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Three Months)

Faramir moaned as he leaned back, having just thrown up in a wash basin for the third time inside a few minutes.  He closed his eyes, waiting for the next wave of nausea, and sighed when he felt a cool wet cloth run over his forehead.

Eowyn's voice was soft when she whispered comforting nonsense to him.  Eowyn and Arwen had taken it surprisingly well when Aragorn, being the king (and taking into consideration that Legolas had conveniently been nowhere to be found at the time), had explained that Faramir was pregnant.  Both women had taken Faramir under their wings to help him through this trying time considering, as women, they had instincts about these types of things.

Faramir suddenly felt a warm cup get forced into his hand and Arwen's soft voice whispered, "Drink this.  It will help settle your stomach."

Faramir opened his eyes and met the queen's gaze, "Thank you, my lady."

Arwen smiled, "Of course, Lord Faramir, you're welcome."

Faramir tentatively sipped at the tea while Eowyn and Arwen talked.  He sighed when the tea seemed to settle his stomach somewhat almost immediately.  He held up the cup and looked at the queen.

"I want a whole pot of this beside my bed every morning from now on.  Is that possible?"

Arwen smiled, "I'm sure it can be arranged, Lord Faramir."

Faramir gave a small nod before settling back against his pillows, lovingly cradling the cup of tea in his hands as he continued to take small sips.  Tea was good.  Tea was his friend.  As were Arwen and Eowyn.  Aragorn and Legolas were evil.  One of them had done this to him.

Faramir poked out his bottom lip in a little pout.  To bad it was considered treason to murder one's king.  And he figured murdering Legolas would start a war with newly named Eryn Lasgalen.

Sometimes life just sucked!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Four Months)

Aragorn looked up when Faramir led Gandalf into his study.  Smiling he got to his feet, "Gandalf!  You got my message."

"Yes, it tracked me down in the Shire a couple weeks ago," the wizard said, "Now tell me...what is the emergency you needed my help with?"

Both Faramir and Aragorn hesitated and met each other's gaze.  Finally Faramir said, "Perhaps we should wait for Legolas to get here.  I believe he went for a ride into the woods.  He should be back shortly."

There was a pause before the steward added in a mumble, "Hopefully.  I think I might have spooked him a little with my latest mood swing."

Aragorn chuckled, "Why is it he always gets the bad moods?"

Faramir grinned, "I really don't know.  He's just lucky I guess."

Gandalf lifted his brows, "Mood swings?  What's going on here?  I think you should tell me now."

There was another, longer pause, then Aragorn spoke, "At the anniversary celebration for the end of the War, you remember, we all got a little drunk..."

"And things happened that led to...other things..." Faramir added.

Aragorn nodded, "And those other things are what we need your help with..."

"Your help to understand that is..." Faramir continued.

"Because we're all a little confused as to how those..." Aragorn paused.

"Other things," Faramir put in helpfully.

"Thank you," Aragorn said to Faramir before facing Gandalf again and finishing with, "Are possible."

Gandalf looked back and forth between the two men for a moment before asking, "And what are these...other things?"

"Well..." Faramir started, looking at Aragorn, knowing he'd already explained it once so he had a better idea of how to break the news to the wizard.

Aragorn released a sigh and glared at Faramir a moment before turning to Gandalf again, "Faramir's kind of...pregnant."

Gandalf's eyebrows shot up, "That's...unexpected."

"You could say that." Aragorn and Faramir mumbled at the same time.

"And who is the...sire?" Gandalf asked.

Faramir ducked his head, hoping to hide a blush that insisted on uselessly coloring his face.  Aragorn opened his mouth to answer but no words came forth.  Gandalf titled his head, "You do know who the sire is don't you?

"Well...sort of." Faramir whispered, still not meeting wizard's gaze.

"Sort of?" Gandalf asked, "You either do or you don't."

Faramir sighed, "We were drunk."

"We?  Who is we?  Tell me that and you know who..." Gandalf started.

"We being me, Faramir and Legolas, Gandalf." Aragorn interrupted, "Either Legolas or I could be the sire.  We are not sure which one."

Gandalf was silent as that sank in.  Finally he met Aragorn's gaze, "You're in big trouble when Elrond finds out about this."

Aragorn winced, "I already know that, Gandalf.  What we need you to tell us is how it's possible for Faramir to be pregnant."

Gandalf thoughtfully stroked his beard, mumbling to himself and completely ignoring the two men, "Perhaps it has something to do with the Elven blood of Numenor.  I cannot be positive of course; this sort of thing has not been heard of since early in the second age.  But his blood is almost pure...and the last one to be in this situation was a young elf named Belethir."

Aragorn and Faramir met each other's gazes, both thinking the same thing.  'Damn Elven blood.'

"Bele...who?" Faramir asked, turning his gaze back to Gandalf.

"Ah, see," Gandalf said, "He didn't even make it into the history books so no one knows about him.  That's how uncommon this is."

Faramir's mood suddenly took a downward, depressed swing and he plopped himself down into Aragorn's desk chair, "And I just _happen_ to be the lucky one."

Legolas chose then to walk into the room.  He smiled at Gandalf before looking at Aragorn and Faramir, "Sorry I'm late.  I went for a ride.  Hello, Gandalf.  What have you figured out thus far?"

Faramir threw a cool glare at the elf and snapped, _"My life sucks!"_

Legolas, surprisingly, released a little squeak and took a step back mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like, "I thought you'd be in a better mood when I got back."

Gandalf chuckled at the elf's dismayed look while Aragorn, trying to hide his own smirk, faced Gandalf and asked, "So does this mean I may be able to..."  He motioned toward Faramir, "You know.  Do that?"

Legolas released another squeak and his eyes got huge at that thought, his gaze flipping back and forth between Faramir and Aragorn, his thoughts clear.  No way could he handle another pregnant male...especially not if that male was Aragorn, who was known for his slow but hot temper.

"Oh, no, Aragorn.  If you could conceive you would have done so already." Gandalf replied.  At Aragorn's blank look he added, "Your relationship with Legolas is not as secret as you think it is, Son of Arathorn.  The only reason Elrond never found out is because he was too preoccupied with your relationship with Arwen."

Faramir narrowed his gaze on the elf and his king.  Relationship?   They had a relationship already?  Whether he was mad about that or the fact that they hadn't dragged him in sooner he couldn't be sure.  All he knew was that he didn't want to see either of them for the rest of his life.  

He knew he should feel guilty about that, but he was pregnant, any feelings he had right now were totally rational.  Well...at least they were to his hormone ridden thinking.

Suddenly getting to his feet he stalked out of the room mumbling something about 'stupid beautiful elf'.

Legolas' incredulous gaze went to Aragorn as he motioned toward the retreating steward, "Why do I always get blamed for everything?!"

The only reactions he got were a muffled chuckle from Gandalf and a somewhat guilty shrug from Aragorn.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Five Months)

Faramir made his way through the palace toward the king's library.  At five months his stomach was already sporting a curve that was fairly visible under his tunic and made sleeping difficult.  Add that to the mood swings and Faramir tended to react like a warg with a hangnail when someone annoyed him...which, coincidentally, was Legolas more often than not.

Not that the elf purposely tried to annoy Faramir, he actually went out of his way to keep the steward happy.  It was just the innate grace of the Eldar race that Legolas exuded everywhere he went.  The graceful swagger...yes, swagger...the elf had become somewhat cocky since learning he might have managed the impossible.  Though to be fair, Aragorn had become a little cockier as well.  Faramir was not amused.

Shaking his head Faramir stepped into the library and paused in the doorway.  He smiled when he saw Aragorn and Legolas sitting at a table on the far side of the room.  Or rather, Aragorn sat at the table with his feet propped up on it.  Legolas was perched on the table, in the center, his legs folded pretzel style, elbows propped on his knees, frowning down at Aragorn, who was flipping through a book.

Faramir sighed, right where he'd told them to meet him after his latest check up with Gandalf.  He'd forbidden both of them to accompany him to his checkups since they'd peppered Gandalf with so many questions that it had taken twice as long as needed to get through the actual examination.

Stepping into the library Faramir let the door swing closed on silent hinges and made his way toward his two lovers.  He got close enough to hear their conversation just in time to catch Aragorn's words as he read from the book.

"It says here early labor can last up to ten hours."

Faramir stopped and must have let out a squeak of dismay because both Aragorn and Legolas jumped.  Aragorn's feet hit the floor with a thud and Legolas spun around so fast he toppled off the other side of the narrow table, for once misplacing his innate grace.  The sight of the elf sprawling on the floor almost made Faramir laugh, but the horror of what he'd just heard stayed the mirth.

"T...t...t..."

Legolas got to his feet and approached the young mortal, gently pulling him into a comforting embrace, "It will be alright, _meleth._  We'll be with you the whole way."

"But...ten..." Faramir paled, "I feel sick."

Aragorn got to his feet and walked around the table to join his two lovers, hugging Faramir from behind while Legolas hugged him from the front.  He and Legolas snuggled Faramir between them, doing their best to comfort the younger man.

"I hate you both," Faramir pouted.

"We know." Aragorn whispered, placing a gentle kiss on Faramir's temple.

Nothing more was said until Legolas grunted and stepped back, looking down at Faramir's stomach in awe, "Was that...Did the baby..."

While Aragorn looked on in confusion Faramir grinned at the elf, running a hand over his belly, "You felt her kick."

"She's kicking?" Aragorn gasped, lightly pressing his hand to the younger man's belly.

Faramir nodded, "I've been feeling it for a while now, but up until now it wasn't hard enough to feel from the outside."

Legolas absently rubbed his own stomach where the baby had given him a not so gentle kick, "She?  Are you sure it's not a boy with a kick like that?"

Faramir scowled at Legolas, making his point quite clear.  He thought it was a girl and that was that.

Legolas backed away, hands held up in surrender, "Alright.  It's a girl."

Aragorn merely grinned as the baby finally gave his hand a hard kick, making Faramir wince.  Gently rubbing the spot the king said, "Legolas may have a point.  That was a pretty hard kick."

Faramir turned his scowl on Aragorn.  Taking a breath the older man cleared his throat and quickly changed the subject, "So, what did Gandalf say during your check up?"

Faramir made his way to the chair Aragorn had been sitting in and plopped down (as well as he could plop anyway) and picked up the book, "He said things are going normal...considering I'm male that is.  He doesn't think it will be much different from a woman's pregnancy since he hasn't noticed anything wrong."

"And was he able to answer your...other question?" Aragorn asked, slowly sitting down in a chair across the table from his steward.

Faramir sighed as he leaned back in his chair, absently rubbing his belly, "He said the only way to know for sure is to wait for the birth.  But...he also said that, since I've been known to experience visions, he believes I already know in my heart which of you is the sire."

"Who?" Legolas asked, stepping up behind Aragorn and placing his hands on the king's shoulders.

"I don't know." Faramir whispered, "My heart isn't speaking very loudly if it does, indeed, know."

_"Mi annan pan innas na isto."_  Legolas whispered, "My _Naneth_ always told me that before she left for Valinor when I was young."

Faramir gave Aragorn a questioning look.  He knew a little Elvish but that phrase was a new one to him.  Aragorn smiled and translated, "In time all will be known."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Six Months)

"I told Faramir he should be resting!"

"Where could he have gone?!"

Aragorn and Legolas weren't the only ones worried about Faramir.  All of Minas Tirith, including Gandalf was out looking for Faramir.  And just outside Minas Tirith, heading toward Rohan on his horse, Faramir was chuckling to himself.

'Thank the Valar I finally got away from those mother hens,' Faramir thought.  And right on the heels of that thought came another.  'Aragorn and Legolas are gonna kill me when they find me.'

Amazingly that thought brought a grin to Faramir's face.  He had been forbidden from riding a horse by the healers, Gandalf, Legolas and of course...Aragorn.  Which was why Faramir was doing it anyway.  

His swollen stomach was covered by his ranger's cloak and currently the little bump wasn't giving him any trouble.  Which was a miracle in itself lately considering the fact that his stomach had been contracting quite a bit lately.

Faramir wasn't sure how it happened.  But somehow the horse was spooked.  Normally he would have been able to ride it out, but with the pregnancy so far advanced, his balance was off.

He didn't even remember what happened from then on.  But he did know that when he woke up he was being carried back to Minas Tirith on another horse...by Eomer.

"Eomer!  Wha...?"

"Faramir, what happened to you?" Eomer asked, "I've never seen you faint off your horse.  And what in Mordor is wrong with your stomach?!"

"Where's...my...horse?" Faramir asked, then hissed in a breath when his stomach contracted painfully.

"One of my men is taking care of him," Eomer answered, "He got a stone imbedded in his hoof."

"Faramir, are you insane?!"

"You could have hurt yourself!"

"If you ever do this again I'll kill you!"

"If I have to tie you to the bed next time, you'll stay in bed!"

Faramir groaned as he heard the voices of Arwen, Eowyn, Legolas and Aragorn.  He saw Gandalf of to the side, shaking his head.

Faramir groaned again.  Whether it was from the oncoming lecture or the pain in his stomach he wasn't sure.

"Faramir!" Legolas said suddenly, "Were you or were you not ordered to stay in bed!"

"Go jump in Mount Doom," Faramir mumbled before he unceremoniously slid from the horse.  Aragorn and Gandalf had to run forward to catch him.

"What's wrong with him?" Eomer asked.

Gandalf sighed as Legolas growled, "He's pregnant...from the end of the War celebration!"

Eomer's eyes widened, and then he breathed a sigh of relief, "Well...thank the Valar I passed out that night before I could play husband to anyone.  Otherwise I might ask if it was mine."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Seven Months)

Faramir was settled on his bed with Eowyn helping him to stay in a sitting position.  "And I thought the nausea was bad," he moaned, "But at least I felt better during the evenings then."

Eowyn smiled as she gently massaged Faramir's aching lower back while Arwen shook her head, "Once my ada finds out about all of this, you'll find backaches to be a comfort."

Faramir groaned in response, "I got pregnant.  Haven't I been punished enough?!"  He then hissed in a breath as Eowyn unintentionally rubbed a sensitive muscle in his back, "And I swear this kid is trying to come out my back!"

Arwen and Eowyn both stared at Faramir in sympathy.  The backaches had started almost immediately after he had taken the fall from his horse.  At first everyone had assumed that he'd pulled a muscle as he'd fallen, but a month had passed and the back pains had gradually grown worse.

Gandalf had been able to determine that the baby had moved into an unusual position that was putting a lot of strain on Faramir's back.  But at the same time, Faramir's stomach was already big enough to make it look like he was in his ninth month.

About that time Eomer, who had decided to stay until the baby was born, walked in, "How's he doing?"

Faramir glared at him, "I hope you, Aragorn and Legolas like playing wife, because I'm never getting myself into that position again."

As Eomer raised an eyebrow at Faramir, Eowyn stared sweetly at Faramir, "You never mentioned that Eomer was a part of your little 'celebration' that night."

Faramir returned her look with one of his own, "And you never bothered to mention that my cousin Lothiriel, Eomer's wife, was with you and Arwen that night."

Arwen and Eowyn suddenly avoided Faramir's gaze just as Aragorn walked in, having heard the last part of the conversation, "And if I'm going down, Undomiel, you're going down with me."

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

Aragorn smiled sweetly at his wife, "Don't think Elrond is going to just be hearing about what I was doing."

With nothing to say Arwen's mouth dropped open as Gandalf came in chuckling, "You're being terribly vindictive, Aragorn."

Aragorn glared at Gandalf, "Why should I be the only one who gets blamed for this situation?"

"Excuse me!" Faramir shouted.  Everyone looked at him.  "I hate to break up this little debate," he continued, "But I thought Gandalf was mixing something for my back!"

"No," a voice from the door spoke up as Legolas walked in holding up a vial, "Legolas mixed something for your back."

"You!" Faramir growled at the blond elf.

Legolas' mouth dropped open in astonishment, "I do something for you...and I still get the bad moods!"

Faramir continued to glare at Legolas as a chuckling Aragorn took the vial from a distraught Legolas.  He handed the vial to Faramir, who ripped the cap off and proceeded to down the contents.

"Faramir!  You only needed to take a small sip!" Legolas spoke up, "It's not like you need to gain anymore weight."

Faramir narrowed his eyes at Legolas and everyone in the room held their breath as they waited for the explosion to come.  It never came.  Instead Faramir burst into tears.

"You think I'm fat!!!!!!!"

"Ai Valar help me!" Legolas groaned as he turned and stalked out of the room.

Gandalf, Aragorn and Eomer all breathed a sigh of relief as Legolas left the room.  Throwing deadly scowls at the retreating elf's back, Arwen and Eowyn tried to comfort a sobbing Faramir.

"Well," Aragorn started, "If this pattern keeps up, Faramir might just cause Legolas to pull his pretty blond hair out."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Eight Months)

Arwen walked into Aragorn's study without knocking, figuring she was his wife so she didn't have to.  She stopped inside the door and cocked a brow at Legolas who appeared to be extremely comfortable sitting in Eomer's lap, leaning back so his head was pillowed on the young king's shoulder.  Aragorn was slumped in his desk chair balancing a mug of ale on his stomach.  Faramir was sprawled on the couch off to the side fast asleep.

The other three, awake yet not entirely sober, looked up at Arwen with smiles on their faces and Aragorn waved her over, "Ah, my beautiful queen.  To what do we owe the honor of your presence?"

Aragorn's words were somewhat slurred due to the ale he'd obviously been sharing with his two friends, and neither Eomer, nor Legolas seemed to be any more sober than him.  Arwen shook her head at the inherent lunacy of the male gender and sighed.

"I've got news, beloved," she said, "A messenger just arrived."

"Does he bring good news?" Aragorn asked, "If not I don't want to hear it."

"I'm afraid you have to hear it, Estel." Arwen replied, "My father and brothers are less than a day's ride from the city."

Aragorn sat upright abruptly, "Elrond is less than a day away?"

"Is that bad?" Eomer asked as Legolas got to his feet, amazingly steady on his feet considering the amount of ale he'd recently imbibed.

"Very," the blond elf said, "If Lord Elrond finds out that Aragorn has a 'relationship' with you, me and Faramir, not to mention may have gotten Faramir pregnant, while married to Arwen, he will not be happy.  Elrond was originally somewhat hesitant to allow Aragorn and Arwen to marry..."

"Now is not the time for a history lesson, Legolas," Aragorn growled, getting to his feet, "We must hide Faramir.  Elrond can not see him."

At those words the four of them (Aragorn, Legolas, Arwen and Eomer) all rushed over to the couch where Faramir remained blessedly asleep.

Aragorn gently shook his steward seeing as Legolas didn't dare for fear that Faramir would be in a bad mood and Eomer had learned quickly that a half asleep Faramir had trouble telling him and Legolas apart, seeing only the blond hair.  Faramir gave a half moan, half growl and tried to bury his head under a pillow.

"Faramir, you must wake up." Aragorn pleaded.

Sighing Arwen pushed Aragorn aside and knelt down, "Faramir, if you get up now I just may be able to sneak that last peace of chocolate cake away from Estel."

Faramir's eyes flew open, "For me?"

Arwen nodded and Faramir struggled to sit up, with Aragorn's help.

By the time Elrond, Elladan and Elrohir arrived at the throne room to meet with Aragorn and Arwen Faramir had had his cake and eaten it too.  And now he was in dreamland once again.

'Thank the Valar that he's so heavily pregnant that he spends half his time sleeping,' Legolas thought as he watched the entrance to the throne room.  At least that was what was running through his mind until he saw Faramir slowly waddling toward him.

"Hey, Legolas!  Do I get to meet Elrond now?  I don't think I've ever met an elf." Faramir said still looking drowsy.

Legolas ran up to Faramir and gently tried to lead the man away (he was in a delicate condition after all) while at the same time making shushing noises and conveniently ignoring Faramir's last comment.

"Come, Faramir," the elf said both urgently and quietly, "Aragorn is in an important meeting at the moment and he won't take kindly to anyone being noisy."

Faramir yanked his arm away from Legolas.   "You're always telling me what to do!" Faramir pouted, not trying to be quiet at all.

Legolas rolled his eyes because once again the man's mood had spiraled downward just at the sight of the elf.  'Ai Valar, help me!' Legolas thought.

Well, the Valar didn't help him.  But Eowyn suddenly rounded the corner looking frantic then relieved once she spotted her husband in the care of his Elven lover.

"Faramir, there you are!" Eowyn called running up to him, "Why did you go off without telling me?!"

Faramir grinned innocently at his wife, "Am I not to meet Lord Elrond?"

Eowyn smiled tenderly at Faramir as she reached up to brush a stray strand of hair from his face, "Of course you are.  But you can't go before Lord Elrond like you are can you?"  She motioned toward his rumpled tunic and breeches, his messy hair and, of course, his insanely huge stomach.

But Faramir, in his giddy state, didn't see the problem with his pregnancy.  Only his appearance.  "No, I guess I can't," he answered Eowyn as she led him away.

Eowyn shot Legolas a sympathetic look over her shoulder once she'd turned Faramir away so her husband couldn't see.  She was really beginning to feel bad for the elf, who always seemed to upset Faramir with just his presence.  Legolas mouthed a thank you as he followed behind the pair to make sure Faramir didn't escape.

Although, Faramir was so hugely pregnant, even for eight months, that he currently wasn't able to do anything more than waddle.  He was still a ranger and was well experienced in the art of stealth.

Legolas and Eowyn had just managed to get Faramir back to the doorway of his room when the man suddenly gasped and hunched over, clutching his stomach.

"Faramir!" Eowyn yelled.

"What's wrong?!" Legolas asked.

Faramir lifted his head to glare at Legolas through strands of hair that had once again fallen in his face.  He was only able to speak in a hiss, "My stomach...is...contracting!"

"Contracting!" Eowyn squeaked.

"Here!  Now!" Legolas practically screamed, "You cannot have that baby now!"

Faramir opened his mouth to speak then clamped it shut again once the pain reached it's peak.  "No, it's okay." Eowyn said quickly, "We'll just go get Gandalf."

"He's in Ithilien." Faramir said, breathing heavily once the pain had passed, "And neither of you has to worry.  It's probably false labor.  Gandalf said this could happen toward the end of the pregnancy."

Both Eowyn and Legolas visibly relaxed.  "Thank the Valar," Legolas muttered, "Because neither of us would have known what to do."

Faramir glared at Legolas, his mood taking a sharp turn toward pissed, "Well do you think either of you two dumb blondes could help me to the bed!"

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

After Faramir had another false contraction he slumped down on the bed and fell into an exhausted slumber.  Relieved, Eowyn and Legolas both sat down at the table to watch Faramir and make sure he stayed put this time.  However, after an hour of sitting around and doing nothing Eowyn then Legolas nodded off.

And this is when Faramir decided to go and wake up.

'I'm hungry,' Faramir thought as he slowly struggled to get up, 'And my belly is entirely too huge!  Stupid elf!'

Anyone else would have told Faramir that he wasn't thinking rationally.  But in Faramir's pregnancy crazed mind anything he thought he was rational.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Eomer was just putting a spoonful of soup into his mouth when the door to the kitchen opened and Faramir waddled in stomach first.  Heaving a sigh he dropped his spoon back into the bowl and intercepted the steward of Gondor halfway to the cupboard.

"Faramir, what are you doing?  You're supposed to be resting." Eomer said, trying to steer the older man out of the kitchen.

"Hungry." Faramir grumbled, pushing Eomer away, "Where's the lembas?  And the chocolate."

"Lembas and chocolate?" Eomer asked, "Are you sure..."

Faramir turned on Eomer, "Don't argue with me.  The baby wants lembas and chocolate and she'll get it!"

Eomer held up his hands in surrender, "I'm sorry.  It's just...you are a little..."

He stopped, holding his hand far enough away from his stomach to represent Faramir's non-existent waist line.  Faramir narrowed his eyes.

"You think I'm fat too," he growled before turning his back on the king of Rohan grumbling, "Dumb blond.  You're all the same."

"Du...Wait a minute!" Eomer said, "What gives you the right..."

Faramir turned a glare on Eomer and the younger man changed his mind, saying instead, "Right.  Dumb blond.  How could I forget."

"Hmm." Faramir grunted turning back to the cupboard and reaching in for the lembas.  Cradling it lovingly he faced Eomer, "Where's the chocolate?"

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Later that evening Aragorn and Arwen breathed a sigh of relief when Elrond, Elladan and Elrohir left Minas Tirith.  They would still be in Ithilien for another month though, so they weren't out of the woods yet.

"Well," Aragorn said as he and Arwen headed off to find Faramir, "That went well."

Arwen gave a slight laugh, "Don't be so sure, Estel.  Ada suspected something."

"He is very hard to hide things from," Aragorn agreed as the two entered Faramir and Eowyn's bedchamber.

They stopped short at the sight of Eowyn, Eomer and Legolas all sprawled on the floor, completely exhausted.  Faramir was asleep in the bed, oblivious to what was going on.

"What happened to you guys?" Aragorn asked.

Eowyn raised her head from the floor, "He hates all blondes now."

"He eats bricks of lembas and chocolate," Eomer said without lifting his head.

"Which, by the way, we're out of," Legolas added.

"His mood swings are draining..." Eowyn continued.

"He's really sensitive about how big he is..." was Eomer's next addition.

"He's been having false labor pains all day..." Eowyn added again.

"Just the smell of mushrooms makes him vomit..." Eomer sighed.

"And he can waddle _extremely fast for a man that big!" Legolas shouted cutting Eomer and Eowyn off._

"Oh." Aragorn and Arwen said, staring at the three in amazement.  Faramir had managed to do the impossible.  He'd actually managed to exhaust an elf.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Nine Months)

"I think you should talk to Lord Elrond soon about coming to stay in Minas Tirith." Gandalf said one morning while everyone was sitting around the table eating breakfast.

"Talk to Elrond?" Aragorn asked.

"At the same time Arwen gasped, "Staying here?!"

"You're senile wizard!" Legolas yelped in time with his lover and said lover's wife, "We just spent the last month trying to keep Elrond from finding out about Faramir being pregnant!"

Gandalf nodded to Aragorn and Arwen, purposely ignoring Legolas, "Of course.  Who else did you expect would deliver the child?"

"We were hoping you would." Eowyn said.

Gandalf's eyebrows rose, "I'm a wizard.  Not a healer.  What would I know about delivering a child."

"But..." Aragorn whimpered, "But if Elrond sees Faramir he'll ask questions and..."

"You should have thought about that before you got Faramir pregnant." Gandalf said.

"You know, Legolas may be the one who..."

Aragorn was cut off as Faramir, sitting further down the table between Legolas and Eowyn, gave a sharp yelp and clutched his stomach.  Gandalf motioned at the young steward, "I suggest you contact Elrond before the false labor becomes real labor."

"It _is real!" Faramir gasped, "My water just broke!"_

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

After Faramir's surprise announcement Eowyn and Legolas, the two closest to Faramir, and Eomer, who was sitting on Eowyn's other side, jumped up and immediately helped the steward to his feet.  Gandalf stood as well, "Get him to a room so he can lie down.  Aragorn, send a messenger to Elrond immediately."

About that moment, just as Eomer, Eowyn and Legolas helped Faramir out one door of the dining hall, Elrond walked in the opposite door followed by Elladan and Elrohir, "Did I just hear my name?"

"Ada!" Arwen gasped, getting to her feet, "What a surprise!  Estel, isn't it a surprise?"

Aragorn forced a smile, "Hmm.  Yes..."

He cut off when there was a muffled yell of, "Get away from me you...stupid elf!"

That was followed closely by a surprisingly vile curse in Sindarin in Legolas' familiar voice preceding a shouted, "By the Valar I've had it!  Eomer, you help Eowyn with him!  I quit!"

Everyone looked toward the door as Legolas stalked in growling, "Thank the Valar he's finally in labor.  I'm ready to kill him or..."  Legolas suddenly noticed Elrond and skidded to a halt, "Lord Elrond!  What a...pleasant surprise."

"What is going on here?" Elrond demanded, "And don't even think about lying to me."

Aragorn, Arwen and Legolas all heaved sighs of resignation and began speaking.  All of them stumbled over each other to explain, intending on making the story as confusing as possible.

"Well, you know we had that celebration nine months ago." Aragorn said.

"And _everyone got a little drunk." Arwen added._

Legolas nodded, "So we can't _really_ be held liable for what happened since we weren't in our right minds and we didn't even know it was possible."

"Right!" Aragorn said, "And besides, Arwen knew about us."

"And she was with Eowyn anyway." Legolas agreed.

"What I was doing is not really important, Legolas!" Arwen growled.

"Well..." Legolas started only to be cut off when Gandalf took over the explanation.

"Lord Faramir is pregnant and the sire could be either Aragorn or Legolas."  Gandalf had a big grin on his face as he said that, telling everyone he _really_ enjoyed ratting out the king of Gondor and the prince of Mirkwood.

Elrond remained silent as he considered what the wizard had just told him.  Elladan and Elrohir merely burst out laughing, "Ai, Estel, are you in trouble now."

After a moment Elrond finally spoke, "I will help Lord Faramir through his...delivery.  Then you have some explaining to do, Estel.  As do you Undomiel."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

While everything was being explained in the most confusing way possible to Elrond, Eomer and Eowyn were helping Faramir get settled into bed.  Which wasn't working out too well, because Faramir was swearing and cursing anytime he managed to catch his breath.  The labor was progressing incredibly fast.

"I hope they can get Elrond here quick," Eowyn said, "Because I sure don't know how to deliver this baby."

"Don't worry.  I'm already here," Elrond said walking into the room, "I'm confused and somewhat angry, but I'm here."

Faramir gulped and raised his head when Elrond entered the room, "Lord Elrond!  I'm sorry for sleeping with ...."

Elrond held up his hand to stop Faramir, "Relax Lord Faramir.  If I decide to punish anyone it will be Aragorn and Arwen.  Besides, I think you have enough to deal with right now."

Faramir breathed a sigh of relief as he fell back against the bed.  Elrond stared at Faramir's sweat covered body and clothes then turned to Eowyn and Eomer, "Has he been in labor long?"

Eowyn shook her head, "His water just broke about an hour ago.  This is going quite fast."

Elrond nodded, "Quite fast indeed."

Eomer looked at Elrond.  "Um...shouldn't the father," he glanced down at Faramir before correcting his words, "Or rather 'other father' be here when the baby is born."

Out in the hallway, both Aragorn and Legolas overheard Eomer's remark. 

Legolas shook his head, "No way!  I am _not going in there!  Aragorn, you go."_

Aragorn gaped, "Excuse me?  He's been in there screaming curses I didn't even know were actual words...not to mention Elrond is a little...upset...with me...and you expect me to go in there willingly?"

Before Legolas could reply Faramir yelled, "LEGOLAS!!!!!!!  Get in here NOW!!!!!!"

Legolas backed away, shaking his head and whimpering, "No.  Uh-uh.  I don't think so."

Gandalf chuckled, "Hmm.  I guess he really did know who the sire was all along."

Legolas merely whimpered again.  Unfortunately, as the wizard's words sank in he let his guard down, which left him unprepared for the attack when it came.  Elladan and Elrohir each grabbed one of his arms and Aragorn got behind him and pushed while the twins dragged him toward the door of the room.

Legolas tried to plant his boots, but the slippery floor proved to be on the twins' and Aragorn's side so they were able to get him to the door.  It was at that point that Legolas' boots hit the slightly raised ledge at the bottom and he was sent stumbling into the room in a very un-elflike manner.

Elrond gave Legolas a stern look, "Sit on the bed behind him.  He'll need you to support him when he pushes."

Taking a deep breath Legolas slowly walked over to the bed and sat down and let Eomer and Eowyn settle Faramir in front of him.  Faramir hissed as another contraction started and grabbed Legolas' hand and squeezed.

Legolas winced but didn't complain, figuring he was due a little pain for putting Faramir through this whole thing in the first place.  As the contraction eased Elrond gave Faramir a quick check up before smiling.

"It won't be long now.  Eomer, will you please step out into the hall and shut the door.  Eowyn, I will need your help if you don't mind." Elrond said, stepping over to the bedside table to wash his hands in the water and wash basin provided.

Giving a half bow Eomer left the room, shutting the door behind him.  Facing the others he smiled, "Lord Elrond said it shouldn't be too long."

Aragorn nodded, "That's good news for Faramir."

Elladan sighed, "Okay, I've been wanting to ask this since you told about this pregnancy.  How?"

Aragorn pointed at Gandalf, "Ask him.  He can explain it better."

That earned him a scowl from the wizard but Gandalf started to explain anyway.  While the twins and Eomer listened with rapt attention Aragorn wandered a little ways down the hall and stopped by a window.  Arwen followed him.

"Estel?  Are you okay?" Arwen whispered, lightly running her fingers through Aragorn's hair.

Aragorn sighed, "Aye.  I'm fine.  It's just...I spent the last few months thinking it may be mine and now it's not.  I mean...I'm happy for Legolas.  He always loved spending time with me when I was little.  He'll make a great father and this is his only chance.  I'm just a little...disappointed is all."

Arwen pulled Aragorn into a hug, "It's okay to be sad, Estel.  We've all fallen for this baby.  I think even Eomer has developed some paternal feelings toward it."

"That will be one spoiled baby." Aragorn whispered with a somewhat choked chuckle, "We all love it like it was ours.  It has four fathers and two mothers."

Arwen gently kissed Aragorn, "See, you're not losing the baby completely."

Aragorn nodded, "You're right, love.  Come, let's return to our family."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

"Faramir, I need you to push." Elrond said.

Faramir threw a deadly glare at the elf lord, _"I am pushing!!!!!!!!!"_

Eowyn gave her husband a reprimanding look, "Faramir, I don't think it's very polite to yell at the..."

Faramir turned his glare on Eowyn, "Do you want to take over for me?!"

Eowyn seemed to get the hint and pressed her lips together.  Legolas merely lifted his eyebrows as her as if to say, 'You shouldn't have said anything.'

Before anyone could even think about speaking again Faramir released a heart wrenching scream and hunched his back as he pushed.  He slumped back against Legolas as Elrond smiled big when the infant slid into his hands.  Quickly cutting the cord the Elven healer wrapped the baby in a soft blanket he held it up slightly so Faramir could see.

"You have a son." Elrond said softly.

Faramir started to smile then said, "But it was supposed to be a girl.  I know I was carrying a girl."

Elrond cocked a brow, "Well, there is always a fifty-fifty chance..."

That was as far as he got before Faramir hissed in a breath and clutched at his stomach, gasping, "I thought this was supposed to stop!"

Narrowing his gaze Elrond quickly handed the baby to Eowyn and lightly laid a hand on Faramir's significantly smaller, but still fairly large, belly.  After a moment his eyebrows shot up and he looked at Faramir, "Um...it seems that you have another chance for your girl, Lord Faramir."

"WHAT?!" Faramir snapped.

Legolas' jaw dropped open, "You mean...twins?"

Elrond smiled, "Yes, it would appear so."

Faramir suddenly glared up at Legolas before fisting his hand in a lock of the elf's hair and jerked his head down so their gazes met, "You _had_ to insist it was a boy when I knew it was a girl!  This is all your fault."

Legolas yelped as Faramir jerked on his hair again, "Ai!  I...I'm sorry!  I didn't mean to!"

Faramir swore in Sindarin, repeating Legolas' vile curse from earlier, as another contraction took him, saving Legolas and his hair from the wrath of Faramir.  As the steward let go of his hair Legolas brushed it back, safely out of Faramir's reach before bracing the man as he began to push again.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

After what seemed like hours to those waiting in the hall, the door to the chamber Faramir was in finally opened.  They all rushed forward as Eowyn walked out holding the baby.  They all gaped as Legolas followed her out holding another.

"Twins?" Arwen gasped, "How wonderful!"

Aragorn stepped up to Eowyn and gently took the baby as she handed it over.  As he looked down into a tiny face framed with wispy blond spikes of hair he felt his heart melt.  The others ran forward to look at the babies as Legolas stopped beside Aragorn, still holding the other one.

"That one is the girl Faramir predicted," Legolas whispered, nodding toward the baby his friend held.  He smiled down at the one he still held, "And this is the boy I predicted."

For the next few moments everyone cooed over the newborn twins before Eomer finally asked, "How's Faramir?"

"He's pretty good considering he just had two babies." Eowyn said, "Elrond is just finishing up with whatever needs to be done."

Gandalf cleared his throat, "Maybe we should let Faramir rest for a while before we bother him.  I'm sure he would appreciate it."

Aragorn nodded and reluctantly gave the baby girl back to Eowyn so she could bring her back to her...daddy.  After a couple more seconds of cooing Gandalf finally managed to get everyone to allow Eowyn and Legolas to return to Faramir.  

As they walked away Elladan said, "This calls for a celebration.  It's not everyday a steward and a prince have children."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Faramir sat on his bed comfortably propped up with pillows with his son in his arms.  Legolas sat close beside him holding their daughter.  Eowyn had left with Elrond, saying they deserved a little time alone with their children and had went to find the others.

"We should name them." Faramir whispered, gently stroking the dark fuzz on his son's head before lightly tracing a delicately pointed miniature ear.  It was odd, the boy was dark haired, like Faramir, but he had pointed ears.  The girl had Legolas' white gold hair but her ears were rounded like Faramir's.

Legolas sighed and got up to put his daughter in her bassinet.  He returned for his son and placed him beside his sister before sitting back down beside Faramir.  "I've already decided on a name for our son and it's non-negotiable."

Faramir scowled at Legolas, "You already made a decision without consulting me?  How are we going to get through the next..."

"I chose Boromir." Legolas said, cutting Faramir off.

Faramir hissed in a breath and looked Legolas in the eye, "Boromir?"

Legolas nodded, waiting for Faramir's response.  The one he got was somewhat unexpected.  Faramir burst into tears.

Legolas winced.  The twins weren't even an hour old and he'd already messed up, "I'm sorry.  I just thought...if you don't want to that's fine."

In the next second Legolas found himself wrapped in a bear hug as Faramir cried, "No!  I love it!  Thank you. Thank you.  Thank you."

That was followed by Faramir pressing a quick kiss to Legolas' lips before once again burying his tear streaked face in the curve of Legolas neck and shoulder.  Legolas blinked as he slowly returned the embrace, "You're...welcome."

After a moment Faramir sat back against his pillows keeping his gaze on his lap as he wiped at the tears on his cheeks, sniffing as he managed to control the other tears that threatened to fall.  When he felt he was ready to face Legolas again he met the elf's gaze.

Legolas smiled, "And what about the girl?"

Faramir bit his lip as he tried to figure out a name, "Would you like something Elvish or a Gondorian name?"

Legolas looked down at his daughter, "Since our son is named Boromir, would you object terribly to giving our daughter an Elvish name?"

Faramir shrugged, "No.  But you'll have to help me there.  I don't know any Elvish names."

Legolas looked down at the little girl once again, who was yawning in her sleep, but remained completely oblivious to her two fathers, "What do you think of Sabrian?"

Faramir grinned.  "I like it."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Four Months Later)

"Okay, this is really not what I want to walk in on!"

Eomer and Faramir paused in mid kiss and then looked up to see both Elrond and Gandalf looking down at them.

"Is this all royalty really does?" Elrond asked.

As if on cue, Aragorn poked his head out of the side of the bed from where he'd been hiding under the sheets, "Pretty much."

Elrond stared at Aragorn with wide eyes, "Are you hiding anyone else under there?"

Elrond had no sooner finished that sentence when Legolas suddenly poked his head out from the end of the bed, "Hello, Lord Elrond."

Elrond raised an eyebrow as he looked at the bed that the 'royalty' of Middle Earth was currently piled in, "Big bed."

"Yeah," Aragorn agreed, "That's why we got it."

"Although it feels a little more crowded than usual," Eomer added.

Gandalf rolled his eyes at the three men and the elf before turning and heading out, "You deal with them Lord Elrond."

"Actually I just wanted to talk to Arwen before I left," Elrond said as Gandalf walked away.

"Oh, she's probably in her bed chamber," Faramir said, "But I wouldn't go see her now."

Elrond stopped in his tracks at Faramir's tone, "Why?"

Everyone in the bed suddenly avoided Elrond's gaze.

"She's with Eowyn isn't she?" Elrond asked.

"And probably Lothiriel," Eomer added.

"With...ai Valar you are all sluts!" Elrond exclaimed, "Where do you get this from?!"

"Probably from Elladan and Elrohir," Gandalf called from outside the door.

"WHAT?!!" Elrond shouted, looking back and forth between the door and the bed.

"Oh yeah," Legolas said, "They have some kind of understanding with Haldir, Orophin, and Rumil."

Suddenly feeling overwhelmed, Elrond spun on his heel, stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

"So," Faramir started, "Elladan and Elrohir huh?"

"Yeah, they've been a couple for years," Aragorn stated.

Legolas suddenly shuddered, "Can you imagine a relationship like that?!  I mean their identical!  It would be like making love with yourself!"

A chorus of five 'eeewwwsss' sounded throughout the bed chamber.

Five?

At least that was what Legolas' Elven hearing had picked up, "Um...guys...I think there _is another person in here with us."_

After a momentary pause the four identified occupants of the bed lifted the blanket, gaped and reflexively jerked the blanket back down to cover themselves.

"You know," Boromir said from under the blanket, "There's nothing under here I haven't seen before.  Well, except for Eomer but..._wow!"_

Eomer blinked, "Well...thanks.  But aren't you supposed to be dead?"

Boromir sat up, pulling the blanket off his head, and shrugged, "I was but I got sick of death.  And that last battle I had with Denethor showed the Valar that they had to get rid of one of us and they couldn't very well get rid of the old guy who'd lived a full life so they decided to send me back since I had a life that was cut short."

"Oh." Aragorn said, "What were you and Denethor battling over?"

"The ale." Boromir replied simply.

"They have ale in the Halls of Mandos?" Legolas asked.

"Well, not anymore.  Denethor drank it all." Boromir grumped.

As one the other five chorused, "That bastard."

Boromir nodded and looked at Faramir, "You look a little...thicker around the middle, brother."

Faramir blushed, "Yeah, well...I...uh...I had Legolas' twins about four months ago."

Boromir blinked, "Oh.  So I'm an uncle then?"

"Yeah.  A niece named Sabrian and a nephew named after you." Legolas said.

"Cool." Boromir said, "Shall we get back to business now?  I've got some living to make up on."

Once again five voices chorused, "Hell yeah!"

Half an hour later Legolas suddenly asked, "Do you think if Faramir could conceive Boromir will be able to as well?"

Pinned beneath Legolas, Boromir spoke up, "Aw hell."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

(Three Months Later)

Boromir lifted his head from recently emptying his stomach into a wash basin, "LEGOLAS, I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A/N: Okay, we had planned on making this a somewhat serious ending but we got to joking about this and...well...we just had to do it. 


End file.
